Taiwan first trip

Talked to K about my first reunion. She was utterly transfixed.

“This was my first time effectively going overseas ‘by myself’. I had Fontana, but I was pretty much on my own when staying with my family. It was the first time I had ever left home — there was no transition to college because I had lived at home when I went to college — so when I went overseas it was the first time my parents experienced being empty nesters.”

1. I told her about my mom’s anxiety and my dad’s more chill demeanor. Mom didn’t want me going out on my own, she didn’t want them paying for meals for me, she didn’t want me cooking, and she didn’t want my mother having to take off her work days to feed me. (It was just her lunch period — she probably spoke to her boss and they let her take her hour off-site to come home and give me food for lunch)
2. I kind of… exploded at her and said “You don’t want me exploring. You don’t want them paying for me. You don’t want me to cook food, and you don’t want Ma coming home to give me food. What would you like me to do? Starve?” And she said “… please excuse me, you’re right. I’m sorry. This is the first time you’ve been away from home and I’m so worried and you can’t read/speak the language, but of course they’ll take care of you. I just, I’m so worried. You’ve never been this far and I literally wouldn’t be able to reach you if something bad happened.” (Me: “Mom, I’ll be fine. Gege will take me to the bank and I’ll have Canadian currency. You need to be patient, one thing at a time. For now Ma is bringing home food for me, I am sure Gege or somebody will eventually be able to bring me to the bank.”)
3. Having to deal with the anxiety/fear of two mothers: Ma being afraid I would become lost as I effectively was deaf/mute; couldn’t read street signs, couldn’t read directions, could barely understand anything, and couldn’t ask much more than very simple questions. I did have their numbers and a hard copy of their address in my purse in case, god forbid, I get lost in the alleyways. But growing up in a house where all you had to do was punch in a garage code and open the door to the basement was a little different than having to use a key. Baba and Gege kept watching me try to lock/unlock the door (with their keys) and I guess they had arranged that I could be issued a duplicate if necessary, but I needed to be able to show them I could use the key before being granted that privilege.

Back on the first day I had no idea how I was going to reach home and ensure them I had arrived safely. I didn’t know the international calling code, I didn’t have a smartphone or anything. Xiao-Ping was gracious enough to get my attention, and point at her computer at some point early Taiwan morning (of my arrival).

Xiao-Ping: Jianada Mama.

Me: ??

Xiao-Ping: *points*

Me: Oh. *goes over, sees the DM between her and my mom, and my sister’s obvious usage of Google Translate*

Xiao-Ping: Gen ta lianxi. (Chat with her)

Me: Keyi ma?? (I can?)

Xiao-Ping: Keyi. (Yeah)

I don’t really remember the chat that day, but I remember Xiao-Ping had left the CAPS LOCK on, and my mom spent a few minutes talking to me, thinking it was her and just the translation being particularly good. Finally I told her “It’s me, damnit. I don’t know why the CAPS LOCK is on.” And she asked the details of the arrangement, and I told her “She said I could use her computer. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the summer. Maybe I can ask to use her computer for 10 minutes in the evening, even if just to send you a quick e-mail every night or something.”

Turns out, someone had the foresight to get me a borrowed computer (maybe it was a colleague’s? No clue, but Gege set it up in my borrowed bedroom). Which was a lifesaver, because during my first couple of weeks I was incredibly lonely.

My mother did not want me going out for the aforementioned reasons listed way above, so this resulted in me being “locked up” for almost 2 weeks straight. The jetlag wore off after 3–4 days, at which point I was starting to think it’d be nice to go out, take a walk, check out the local shops, etc. But they had been instructed not to let me out (no key, couldn’t open/close the door effectively, can’t read/speak). At least, not yet.

But I didn’t know that. After a week of being cooped out, I was starting to feel cramped. When Baba was done his work shift he would arrive at New Place, and bring me back to Old Place. He would signal this to me by saying “Mei-Ling, women chuqu.” (We’re going out) and I would get excited he was taking me somewhere… only to figure out, after a couple days, he just meant the Old Place. This did not signify insight as to why I was being locked up for days on end.

After I figured *that out*, I became cranky. He’d come home, and tell me we were going out. I told him I didn’t want to. He would get exasperated and tell me “Come on, let’s go” and because I didn’t want to upset him I would accompany him. But I was cranky, cooped up, locked out linguistically, and on top of that… traveller’s diarrhea had started.

I told K, at this point, I was getting fed up. I was lonely, I was trapped in an apartment all day. I wanted to go out, I wanted to buy food, see the sights, breathe fresh air. Baba only came home to tell me we were going to Old Place and once I figured that particular bit out, it became a routine. But I didn’t want to go to Old Place; I wanted to GO OUT.

My e-mails indicate this; my journal entries after almost 2 weeks read something like:

“Not understanding anything is becoming a real bitch. I’m fed up. I can’t go out and feel trapped both physically and linguistically.”

Someone who read my blog must have sensed the desperation and said she would be happy to translate and figure out what was going on. I gratefully took her up on that offer, added her to Skype and the next day, when Ma dropped home to give me lunch, I called out: “Mama, ni neng lai yixia ma?”

She came over, and I pointed at Skype, where my translator was sitting with the webcam on and started talking in Hokkien. After a good ten minutes of back-and-forth, she explained that my mother had told Baba and Gege to keep an eye on me. The obvious reasons: they didn’t want me to become lost, they were seeing me struggle with the door, and they didn’t know I was feeling ill due to the market bacteria.