Family Talk

Was fairly exhausted yesterday but did okay considering I basically got 6 hours of sleep.

Showed K my childhood trinkets — a picture of me as a child holding my stuffies (K: You really liked your stuffies, even back then, too!). Her response: “Can you tell me what was happening in this photo?”

My response: “Nothing, really. Just thought it was cute. And yes, I have always loved stuffies.”

I also showed her those little cards Mom used to leave me. Almost every morning for a few months, she’d leave a small card saying “Somebody loves you — guess who?” or “A little birdy told me — you’re awesome!”

And that my dad drew me Valentine’s Day cards — or just a general card when he was on a business trip. Simple gestures like a card that said “You’re a good kid and I love you” complete with adorable, awkward drawings that look like a snowman — but the caption said “This is a bear — not a snowman with arms.”

K laughed and said she thought these little things were cute.

Me: “So as you can see, my parents cared about me. I was closer to my mom but that’s because she didn’t have to work as much. We used to write letters back and forth — I’d write to her at night, she’d respond before she left for work, I’d write back before I left for school, and so on.

• pause*

Me: “She also got on my nerves a lot as a teen and young adult *because* we spent more time together. A lot of the strain started happening because of my brother and because I took so long to move out. My dad was super laid back, super chill, but he worked a lot, so I didn’t see him as much. But he did things for me like drawing those cards, so I knew he cared. My dad and I weren’t particularly close, but I know he loved me.”

Me: “A few people have observed that I talk about my mom a lot and barely reference my dad. It’s because there was a lot more complexity with my mom; we irritated each other when I was older and should have moved out sooner — that’s a story for another day. Whereas my dad didn’t have anxiety and he wasn’t hovering over me a lot of the time. So it was easier to get along with him, because he wasn’t around as much and didn’t irritate me. I had a more simple relationship with him.”